To My Not So Secret Valentine

I meant to tell you at Christmas, (but the house was full of people) then I meant to tell you on your birthday, (but the kids monopolized your attention and I couldn't blame them) so I'm telling you for Valentine's Day.

My life has been blessed by your presence.  Your passions energize me.  Your talents impress me.  Your sense of humor fills me with joy.  Your tenderness caresses my soul.   Your love feeds my body. 

You are my anchor and my sail.  You are my lover and my friend.  You are the keeper of my secrets and my partner in all things sane and crazy.

My favorite time of day is any time spent with you.  My favorite sound is that of your voice.  My home is in your arms.  All this to say, I keep falling in love with you.

Putting the Fun in Dysfunctional

A recent conversation with my sister:

Me:  I was talking to L the other day and I remembered the time when mom hid in a closet from dad because she was mad at him and wanted him to worry about her, do you remember that?

Sis:  No, but it's not surprising we were a pretty dysfunctional family.

Me:  See, I never thought so, but then I guess hiding in a closet would be labeled as dysfunctional.

Sis:  Yeah, but at some point you have to stop blaming others for things.

Me: Oh, I totally agree.  I mean you take the good and the bad and just create you own life with it.  You know though, compared to some of my friends, we were dysfunctional in a different way, I guess.

Sis:  True, it was in a kooky, I Love Lucy way.  Not at all crazy drama, like All My Children.

Me:  Exactly, it was almost comical.  Maybe it was generational too.  I remember talking to one of my friends in high school and she was saying that when her parents argued her mom would lay on the couch with her hand on her head and beg for water before she passed out.  I remember a group of us nodding, oh yeah, my mom does that too.

Sis:  That's funny.  I was watching Men of a Certain Age the other night and the Quantum Leap guy was crawling around on the floor because someone was knocking on the door and he wanted them to think no one was home, mom used to do stuff like that.

Me:  I totally remember that!

(to be continued)

Where Does this Peace come From?

For the longest time I had the feeling that I was on the cusp of something great.  I waited and waited...and waited.  At times I felt anxious, like children counting down the days until Chirstmas.  I was still looking around corners, wanting to see what was going to happen next.  Always waiting, always wanting.

I think I've spent most of the better part of my life waiting and wanting.  It's hasn't necessarily been bad.  It's not like I was just sitting on my ass doing nothing, but still I was busy waiting and wanting.  I waited for my name to be called, I waited to be asked, I waited my turn.  I was waiting for Mr. Right.  Luckily, Mr. Perfect for Me accepted my marriage proposal.  I was wanting to have children.  Finally, when we decided what our lives would look like without babies, we had two within 18 months of each other.  So it went.

Today I find myself sitting here with an extraordinary sense of peace.  My life is hardly perfect.  We have too many bills, too many unfinished projects going on, but I'm no longer waiting.  The bills will slowly be paid, the projects will slowly get finished.  Today my life is busier than ever, yet I find myself with more time to do the things I love.

All this leaves me to wonder where does this peace come from?  Was it there all along waiting for me?  Am I just ready now to experience it?  Is it because I live surrounded by natures beauty?  Is it because I'm surround by love?  Is it because we've slowly but surely extracted the useless drama from our lives?  Is it because I'm no longer waiting and have just accepted and embraced my life with all of it's imperfections?

When and where are you most at peace?  Where does it come from?

The Dedication

I'm up early with a million things to do this morning.  Today, Habitat is having a dedication of a home for one of the families I partnered with.  This is the first family that I've have had the pleasure of going through the process from start to finish.  Two years ago they applied for the program, today their house is dedicated and next month they close escrow and move in.  I'll have to say a few words at the dedication, and although I haven't written anything down, I have had thoughts swirling in my head for days.  I'm thinking of saying something along these line:

I met L and J two years ago at the family application meeting.  J seemed almost giddy.  I'm not sure if it was the thought of homeownership that had her so excited or if it was her upcoming marriage to L.  I do know that her enthusiam was contagious.  L was thorough.  He asked questions and seemed to really understand the heart of the Habitat program.  I was thrilled about 3 or 4 months later when I was asked to call them and tell them they had been accepted into the program.

It has been a long two years for this family.  The had endured some personal hardships, but through it all they moved ahead, their focus sharp, their intentions noble, their hearts open.  I'd like to thank them for allowing me to take part in this blessed journey with them, it has been my honor.

To the Habitat organization I'd like to also thank, for allowing me to glimpse and be part of their very special world.  Habitat is known for building homes, but the essence of the organization is building relationships and community.  I know L gets that.  He has mentioned to me how happy he is to have his house built in a street where he already knows his neighbors.  My kids have to be a part of the daily things I do, and Habitat has always made my family feel welcomed in it's organization.  My children are young, but they know their way around a three-hole punch, a stapler and color-coded paper clips like nobody's business.  They beam when they help me organize my paperwork for a Habitat meeting, because they get it.

Long ago I heard a story about a man walking by the build site of Notre Dame Catheral in Paris.  He asked several workers what they were doing.  One replied, I lay the foundation, another replied, I install the stained-glass windows.  He then saw a woman sweeping and asked her what her role was and she replied, I'm building God's house in honor of Our Lady.  This woman understood the magnitude of what she was involved in.  She understood that her job was no less important than any other and she knew that what was being built on that site was more than a mere ediface.

I stand here today honored to be part of this process, to be a part of this organization and part of this families journey.  Although I have never held a power tool or swung a hammer,  it is my pleasure to say I helped build this house.  To the G- family, I'd like to extended my families best wishes as you move into your new home.  May you always feel God's presence within these walls erected with such love, may you create fond and lasting memories, may you flourish in your endeavours.  We wish you much happiness.

Well, that's the plan anyway.  I won't write it down, because then people will see my hands shaking as I hold the paper.  Not because I'm nervous, but because I'll get emotional.  I'm very happy today.  It's going to be a good day.  It's been a good week.

The Awesomeness of Being Me

How do you feel about tooting your own horn?  Does it make you cringe?  When people say you are awesome, do you shrug it off?  Do you blush and say not really?  All those thing happen to me.  Even writing this post is making me cringe.  I think, gosh I hope no one thinks (realizes) I'm concieted or snooty.  The fact of the matter is I AM AWESOME!  O.k., that's was a little painful.  This whole awesome awareness started the week before last when I mentioned to a friend of mine that I was taking some classes at the Red Cross.  "You're awesome" she said.  Later my husband called about something and said, "You know, you are awesome."  I replied that it seem to be a rumour going round.  Later that evening my boy stated quite enthusiastically, "You are the awesomest mom ever!"  I truly love that boy.  So I figured I would take a good long look at myself.  Funny thing is everytime I thought if something awesome about myself or something awesome that I have accomplished, I quickly dismissed it.  My conversation went something like this:

1. I had my own business at age 25.  Yeah, but it ended in bankruptcy.

2. I am a great wife.   Yeah, but if I worked outside the home I could contribute more financially.

3. I am a good mother.  Yeah, well we'll see.

4. I contribute to my community through my work with Habitat.  Yeah, but that really started selfishly.

5. I now volunteer with the Red Cross.  Yeah, but only because I wanted to teach a class for little kids.

It went on and on and on.  I finally annoyed myself.  I was like that friend that's down in the dumps and no matter what great thing you come up with to cheer them up, they knock it down with a pathetic excuse.  That was me and I couldn't stand it anymore.  So I decided to write an ad to sell me to me.

Alida the Awesome.  She is kind and creative.  She is giving, intelligent and helpful.  She can run a business or a home.  She teaches and inspires.  She loves openly and with all her heart.  She works and plays.  She enjoys music and dancing and a good glass of wine.  She makes a mean pizza from stratch (including the dough).  She loves to laugh and has a quick wit.  She can clean and cook and is patient with children, adults and the elderly.  Now Alida is New and Improved.  This new version come with life-saving abilities.  That's right she is certified in First-Aid, CPR and AED. 

Why didn't I see it before?  I am totally awesome...

So what would your ad say?

Because It's Never Too Early For Love

I was feeling creative today.  It hits me every now and then.  I decided that one of the things I wanted to do this year was make Valentine Cards.  Sorry Hallmark but love is personal and that how I want my cards to be.  So today I made these:

They are not exactly Valentine cards, but I love them.  They are the size of trading cards. I painted them with watercolors and then glued the pictures, words and the jewel.  I made ten in all. I think they will be so cool to slip into Sergio's lunch bag or under the kids pillow.  Little tokens of love, handmade...lovely.

Conundrum

Today on Facebook were two different instances where I was asked to post something next to my name.  These things were for excellent causes, but right at the end it said, "98% of people won't do it, will you?"
No, I won't.  Just like the chain e-mails that say send this to seven friend or you'll have seven years of bad luck.  Yeah, well I've accumulated about 175 year of bad luck because when I read that, I press DELETE.  That's me in a nutshell.  Ask me to do something for you and I'll happily do it.  Coerce or manipulate me into doing something and I'll just won't do it.

This is the year where I'm trying to make conscious decisions.  I won't do something because I'm being manipulated to do it.  Then again I shouldn't not do it just because I'm being manipulated.